Smashing Good Time!
by Homicidal Pacifist
Summary: The Super Smash Bros. galaxy is a strange one. How have the veterans changed over the years, and what is the mindset of the latest updates to the Super Smash Bros. roster? Read to find out. This is my first fic. Rated M for language, and other stuff later
1. Nine Years Ago

Chapter 1: 9 Years Ago...

There's a whole galaxy out there that you don't even know exists. It goes by many names, but most people who know about it just call it Smash Universe. The Master Hand, a huge ass white glove, went around other galaxies, collecting trophies of other fighters. After he felt that he had enough, he brought all of them back to the universe he created. Then, somehow, some way, he brought them all back to life. He enjoyed watching them play happily.

But then Crazy Hand, his psychotic brother, came along, and threw them up against each other like action figures fighting. Master Hand, watching his brother ruin his creation, was royally pissed. "What in the blue Hell do you think you're doing?" Master Hand asked loudly.

"I'M'A MAKIN' MAH TOYZZZ FIGHHT!" Crazy Hand shouted, slamming Donkey Kong and Mario together.

"Hey now, maybe I don't want you to do that!" Master Hand shot back, clearly having enough of his moronic brother.

"Aww... creatin' stuff is no fun. Destroying stuff is the shit, yo," Crazy Hand said, reluctantly putting the Italian and the monkey down.

"Wait a second..." Master Hand thought aloud. "Maybe that's not a bad idea."

"Yeah, they should have a sitcom starring Bill Cosby! It'd me the most original idea ever!" Crazy Hand said, with glee.

"They already have that. And that's not what I'm talking about. I mean, hey. Maybe they should fight each other. You know, as in tournaments? That'd be the shit..."

"What a barbaric idea," Crazy Hand replied, flying away.

Master Hand stood there in complete shock at his destructive brother calling _him _barbaric, but he decided to get over it and get to work. "Hello there, my trophy people!" he shouted to the people, who were watching him from below.

"Trophy people? What is this, I don't even..." Captain Falcon began, before being cut off my Master Hand.

"Do you guys like games?" Master Hand asked, in a tone that you would hear a mother speak to her infant child.

The living trophies shrugged.

"Good," Master Hand said, quickly. "You see, I've got a game idea for you. This will be like a traditional fighting game. You will fight each other until you do enough damage so one of you sends the other off the cliff."

"That doesn't sound like a traditional fighting game," Luigi asked, before being zapped by Master Hand. Luigi ran away crying.

"Okay, then. Sue me for trying to be a bit creative. You can't flat out pummel your opponent to death. Where's the fun in that?"

"There's a lot of fun in that!" Link shouted, angrily. Everyone else nodded their heads in agreement.

"Well, look. You die, you turn into a trophy... and I'll resurrect you. You know, 'cause I'm chill like that," Master Hand said, attempting to calm the mob of living trophies down.

"I guess-a that's fair enough," Mario began. "We've-a got nothing better to-a do."

"Now that's what I wanted to hear. Hee hee, you're Italian accent makes me giggle. Anyway, the games will start tomorrow. Have fun hurling each other off cliffs!" Master Hand shouted, before flying away.

"Oooh ah ah ah!" Donkey Kong shouted.

"The ape is right," Fox said, nodding his head in agreement. "We've just experienced life for the first time not that long ago. It's hard to believe that we're already going to the point of killing each other."

"It's not that bad," Ness said, finally speaking up. "I mean, he said we'd just turn into trophies."

"Besides, we don't have to kill each other until tomorrow," Yoshi replied.

"I can't wait that long!" Samus yelled, suddenly. She then tackled Pikachu, surprising the mouse Pokemon.

"Pika pika?!" Pikachu questioned, before charging up its electricity.

"Bring it on, bitch!" Samus shouted. And Pikachu did just that, shocking the ever-loving Hell out of Samus.

Luigi ran back from wherever he scurried off crying to. Nobody cared. "What's-a all-a this?" Luigi asked.

Donkey Kong charged up a punch and whacked Luigi right in the face. He crashed through the wall of the building Master Hand had made for all of the trophy people to stay.

"That-a was my brother, you big brown bastard!" Mario shouted. Everyone looked at him like he was racist.

Donkey Kong made some donkey/monkey hybrid noises and charged at Mario, only to get spun around and thrown at Link. Link, thinking that it was intentional, plucked a bomb out from his pocket (I say, how does he do that?) and lobbed it at Mario... only it landed in Kirby's mouth, who was yawning loudly. The explosion went off as it traveled down Kirby's throat, sending dust rising toward the air.

They stared at the dust, intrigued. Once it cleared, they gasped. What Master Hand said was true, once they kicked the bucket, they turned into trophies.

"So... we're not really... uh, real?" Ness asked.

"Guess-a not," Mario asked.

"I've been living a lie!" Link shouted, dramatically.

"We've only been living for like two days, dude," Captain Falcon replied, rolling his eyes.

They all shrugged, and went back to fighting.

Master Hand returned a few minutes later. "Hey, my trophy people, guess what I ha..." Master Hand ceased talking once he saw that by then, everyone else was already reduced to a trophy. "...I'll go ahead and build the stages now," Master Hand finally managed, before flying off yet again.

--

This is my first story, but I'm still keeping my flame shield up. I'm hoping the later chapters will turn out better. Keep in mind that this is the Super Smash Bros. 64 era, which is why I didn't use any characters from later games (except for Crazy Hand). There will be a nine year time skip between the two, anyway, so I wont have to call them trophy people anymore. Smashers will work good enough.

Will I have any romantic pairings in this? Hell if I know.

Boy did I use the words "each other" a lot...


	2. Nine Years Later

What, you're still reading this? Damn, now I feel all tingly!

--

Chapter 2: 9 Years After That...

"FALCON... HANDSHAKE!" Captain Falcon shouted, before shaking hands with Lucas and Metaknight, two of the newcomers to the Smash Residence.

"Oh-a, that shit is getting so annoying-a!" Mario shouted, angrily. Mario began to hate Captain Falcon with a passion since they had the "Melee" tournament.

It started like this. Captain Falcon and Mario were fiercly locked in a match... and that's when Captain Falcon realized that he was a racer, not a fighter. So yeah, he had to pull a move out of his ass, and quick. Mario was running up to him, solely intent on using his uppercut attack on Falcon...

Until Captain Falcon got what he thought was a brilliant idea. "FALCON PUNCH!" Captain Falcon screamed, in the cheesiest fashion ever. And with that, Captain Falcon brought his arm way back. Suddenly, he felt his arm catch on fire... only this fire didn't hurt. It felt good to him. So he let loose and knocked Mario right off the stage, and was crowned Melee champion. Mario's title defense went horribly wrong. Thus, Captain Falcon began to say Falcon in front of everything, thinking it made it more effective.

And so Mario hated him, with a burning passion.

"Whoa-a, brother. Chill out," Luigi said, attempting to calm his brother down. Mario mumbled a cuss word in Italian under his breath, and went back to leaning up against a wall.

"Hey, uh, I know this might be considered weird, being a fellow Smasher and all... but do you think I can have a picture with you, Captain Falcon?" The little boy named Lucas asked.

"Sure!" Falcon said, puffing his chest out proudly. He threw a camera at Metaknight, who gasped out of surprise, but caught it with instinct, anyway. "Falcon... POOOSEEEE!" Falcon shouted, before making a pose next to Lucas, who stared at him in awe. Metaknight snapped the picture, after letting out a deep sigh.

"Isn't he marvelous?" Peach asked, gazing at Captain Falcon with loving eyes. Mario rolled his eyes. Another valid reason to hate Falcon: He stole Mario's girlfriend. How dare this racing loser, who hardly anybody knew before the tournament, steal the girlfriend of Mr. Nintendo himself, Mario!

Lucas blinked and looked at Mario with a confused expression on his face. "You aren't really Mr. Nintendo, Mario, you're a trophy with his mindset," Lucas said.

"He-a read my mind-a!" Mario said, in shock. "Don't-a do that! You talk-a about an invasion-a of privacy," Mario said, fuming with anger.

The little blonde boy shrugged and left. Captain Falcon puffed his chest out yet again and let out another triumphant victory call. "Falcon... SHOW-OFF!" He shouted, before the press snapped several pictures of him.

"Why did Master Hand get these stupid press trophies here?" Fox asked, with an irritated tone. "He flew off with Roy, Pichu, and Mewtwo, but brought back press trophies?"

"Beats me," Falco replied, shrugging. "But yeah, I see your point. This stuff won't even get exposed to the outside world, will it?"

Fox looked around himself nervously, before leaning in close to Falco's ear and whispering "Who else do you think they brought in?"

"Don't be so worried about it. I'm sure we'll be happy with whoever they introduce next."

Master Hand flew in the Smash Residence's Grand Hall as soon as Fox and Falco had finished having their conversation. After having the whole residence bugged, he figured that he'd fly in as soon as he was mentioned, being the attention whore he is.

"I have an important announcement to make!" Master Hand shouted, loudly. "We have three new arrivals! Wario, ROB, and..."

"DUN DUN DUN!" Crazy Hand added, flying across the stage Master Hand was on.

"...Wolf!" Master Hand yelled.

"Who-a the Hell is that?" Mario asked. "And what-a the fuck is ROB? And why did-a they bring in-a Wario?!"

Fox and Falco gulped. Of all people, they had to bring in Wolf? I mean, sure, maybe to make up for the fact that they brought in ROB, who nobody gives a shit about, but come on! Wolf?!

"I don't like this," Fox said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"You aren't the only one, pal," Falco said, nervously.

"I'll tell you more of the invited guests... TOMORROW!" Master Hand yelled, before flying off yet again. Crazy Hand looked back and fourth nervously, before taking the mic.

"I can see clearly now the rain has gone!" Crazy Hand randomly sang, causing the rest of the Smashers to stare at him in silence. Crazy looked back and fourth nervously yet again, before flying off in a hurry.

"I can't-a believe they'd bring-a in Wario," Mario said, in disgust.

"Aw, what's the matter? Scared because now you have two people who could kick your ass?!" Bowser asked loudly, from behind them. Mario turned to face Bowser, with anger in his eyes.

"Oh-a, yeah. Nice-a talk, tough guy. You got-a eliminated FIRST-A ROUND! By who-a, you ask? ME!" Mario shouted, venting all of his anger out on Bowser. He hurled Bowser by his tail and released him, sending him flying through the air and crashing through a table.

Bowser stood up, roaring with anger. "You'll pay for that, you bastard!" He screamed, before running off, throwing everyone in front of him out of the way.

And then Gannondorf showed up. "You'll regret screwing around with my friends!" he shouted, his spit landing on Mario's face with a splat. "Arghhhh...!" Ganondorf screamed, charging up his punch.

"Oh God-a!" Mario shouted, frozen in fear. And Gannondorf was still charging up his punch.

"...arghhhh!" Gannondorf continued, still charging up his Warlock Punch.

"So, uh, Luigi. How's Daisy-a been?" Mario asked, still standing in front of Gannondorf.

"Oh, she's-a okay. Still bummed-a about not becoming a Smasher, though-a," Luigi replied.

"She'll-a get her chance-a one of these days," Mario said, nodding his head.

"...arghhhh!" Gannondorf continued. Mario looked at his watch. Ten minutes have passed. "Well, I guess-a I'll see you tomorrow-a, Luigi," Mario said, before walking to his dorm room.

Luigi waved Mario off, and went back to his own dorm room.

"PIKA PIKA!" Pikachu shouted, annoyingly. He ran up to Gannondorf and jumped to him, only to get hit by the Warlock Punch Gannondorf had been working on for ten minutes. Pikachu went flying, and smacked against the left wall of the Grand Hall (Check out that rhyme!). Because he was already dead upon impact of the punch, his trophy shattered into pieces once he slammed against the wall.

Master Hand flew in upon seeing this on one of the many cameras he put up around the Smash Residence. "Aw shit, Crazy, we're gonna need some super glue..." Master Hand groaned.

And so, Crazy Hand brought out a broom, and swept Pikachu's trophy pieces into Master Hand's office.

--

I've still got a lot to do here, but I think an interesting and hopefully funny story can happen with this direction. So please review... and don't kill me with your words...


	3. The Surprise

Chapter 3: The Surprise

The new smashers were expected to arrive at 3:00 P.M. It was 2:50. Every Smasher in the Smash Residence (except for Mario, Fox, and Falco, who were hiding in the closets) were awaiting them to enter the Grand Hall.

"I can't believe Wario is coming!" Bowser said, with glee. "It's about time!" Bowser then leaned against the wall with Gannondorf and Jigglypuff, the two most feared smashers there.

"Hey, green mustache guy!" Gannondorf shouted across the Grand Hall. "Where's your moron brother?" This caused Jigglypuff to laugh harshly, puffing out the smoke from her cigarette.

"Mario's in the closet," Luigi answered, scratching his head.

"What does him being gay have to do with any of this?!" Bowser yelled.

"No, I mean-a... he's actually in the... oh, never mind-a," Luigi replied, shaking his head.

Master Hand flew to his stage. Nobody paid attention. "Ahem," Master Hand ahemed, angrily. Everyone else was still caught up in conversations with each other. "AHEM?!" Master Hand shouted. Everyone stared at him with annoyed expressions on their faces.

"Guess who arrived?" he asked, as loudly and annoyingly as possible. And with that, Wario, ROB, and Wolf jumped out from behind the stage's curtains. There was a long moment of silence, and then people resumed to their conversations. Bowser, on the other hand, was clapping with glee, but stopped after everyone began to stare at him. He awkwardly shifted against the wall he was leaning on, coughing into his hand nervously.

"Anyone else going to applause or anything?" Master Hand asked.

"Falcon DECLINE!" Captain Falcon replied, flexing.

"Whatever. If this batch doesn't liven things up, I've brought in a few unexpected guests as well!" People finally began to pay attention to him.

"Come on out, boys!" And with that, a tall mercenary and a blue hedgehog popped out.

"OMIGAWD! IT'S SNAKE AND SONIC!" Marth said, clapping uncontrollably and giggling like a girl.

"Sonic's the name, speed's my game!" Sonic shouted to the crowd. The crowd replied with boos. Someone threw a plate at him. Sonic ran away crying (at a fast speed, mind you).

"Say, where'd Snake go?" Popo asked, before quickly getting picked up from behind and getting his neck broken. The smashers roared with applause.

"Aw, shucks," Snake said, dropping Popo to the ground. He began to blush fiercely.

Master Hand sighed and carried Popo's trophy to his office. Nana, who was crying like a baby, followed Master Hand.

Wario jumped off the stage, and landed on the ground just a few feet below it. He ran up to Bowser and hugged his old friend. "It's-a been a while!" Wario greeted.

"Tell me about it!" Bowser said, hugging him back.

"Where's-a Mario?" Wario asked, in a disgusted tone.

"He's in the closet," Bowser replied.

"What does-a being gay have-a to do with it?" Wario asked. Bowser laughed.

"I know, right?" Bowser replied.

ROB just stood there, on the stage. It was obvious that nobody wanted him to be there. He shed a tear... which caused him to short-circuit. He fell over dead, and turned into a trophy.

Wolf was scanning the crowd for Fox, and maybe his annoying smart-ass friend Falco, and sighed out of relief once he realized they weren't in the crowd. He kicked ROB's trophy out of the way and leaped down the platform, heading to the bathroom.

Luigi walked into Mario's quarters. "You can't hide forever, Mario. Get out of there!" Luigi shouted.

"Get out of where?" Mario asked, nervously.

"Get out of the closet!" Luigi shouted, angrily.

"What does me being gay have to do with anything?!" Mario shot back.

Luigi let out an annoyed grunt and left Mario's quarters, slamming the door on his way out.

--  
I didn't get much done here. I'll probably bring in the rest of the roster with the next installment...

Sorry for the lame reoccurring joke... and for the fact that this chapter was pretty damn short...


	4. The Final Roster Update

Chapter 4: The Final Roster Update

Master Hand and Crazy Hand were locked in a fierce staring contest until they both realized that they don't really have eyes. So they flew off in seperate paths, Crazy Hand going to Peach's Barbie room and Master Hand returning to the stage in the Grand Hall.

"Hey guys! Guess what?" Master Hand asked, in a fake tone of happiness. "We've got many new additons! I'll name them as they run by... ahem..."

"Uh-oh," Mario thought to himself.

"Diddy Kong!" Master Hand shouted as the small monkey ran by. The monkey imeadiatly ran to Donkey Kong, and they shared a hug that made Marth and Mario go "Aww..."

"King Dedede!" Kirby shat himself, and Metaknight laughed.

"Ike!" Marth cooed, and Ike rolled his eyes.

"Pit!" Marth grew a huge erection by this point. Pit waved to Marth with a seductive smile on his face.

"Toon Link! One second..." Master Hand zapped Young Link, turning him into a pile of ashes on the floor. Nobody cared.

"Captain Olimar!" People glared at the small spaceman as he trotted by, with a trail of strange plant creatures behind him.

"Lucario!" People scratched their heads in confusion.

"Pokemon Trainer!" At this point, people stopped paying attention.

"And one more surprise... Samus, please take the stage."

"With pleasure," Samus replied, winking. She got on the stage and proceded taking her suit off... to reveal her Zero Suit.

"Falcon BONER!" Captain Falcon screamed. Peach ran away crying.

"See that?" Master Hand said, proudly. "She IS a girl!"

"Well I'll be damned!" Ganondorf said, smiling.

"I already knew that, I thought it was common knowledge..." Ness said, in a snobbish accent.

"So, we got that out of the way. Which is good. I don't want to mess with you people for a while. So go do whatever." Master Hand flew off, and everyone cheered. The latest newcomers all jumped off of the stage and to the ground below.

"What do we do now?" Toon Link asked King Dedede.

King Dedede shrugged. "I swear to God, if someone says my name like the way Carlos Mencia says it, someone is going to get my boot up there ass."

"Who is that?" Toon Link responded, scratching his head.

"...never mind. Go meet your fellow smashers, kid," King Dedede said, before flying back to his dorm.

"I swear, that King Dedede is always cooking up trouble!" Kirby shouted.

"He's not doing anything..." Metaknight replied, with an annoyed tone.

"That's what you think! I'm gonna see what he's doing!" Kirby shouted, before flying to King Dedede's dorm.

"Nosy pain the ass," Gannondorf said, rolling his eyes.

"You're the one with the big nose!" Zelda said, pointing to Ganondorf's nose.

"Yeah, well you're the one with... the big... BOOBS!" Ganondorf shouted, before doing his funny ass run out of the Grand Hall. People looked at the running Ganondorf for a few seconds with confused looks on their faces for a little while, and then returned to their conversations.

Luigi yawned out of boredom. "So, I guess-a we won't have-a to hang around here anymore?" Luigi asked his older twin brother.

"I guess-a not," Mario replied, before sulking off to his dorm.

Luigi shot a glance over to Samus, who was being escorted into the bathroom by Captain Falcon. "Ugh," he said to himself, knowing that they'd engage in sexual activities in there.

To prove him right, he heard a loud cry of "FALCON SCREW!" from inside the bathroom. He rolled his eyes and went to his own dormitory, having enough of the idiocy of the other smashers.

-  
I had to get this out of the way. I don't like it either. But I'll try to make things interesting in later installments. 


End file.
